Can't Love, Can't Hurt
by evergloweyes
Summary: Her breathing was shaky against his neck, but still warm. Her tears were getting his t-shirt wet, but none of that mattered if this, holding her, was going to make her stop crying. BL. Short Chapter Story.
1. Chapter 1

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**Authors' Note: This originally was going to be a one-shot, but I'm thinking of making into a two or three part short story. It's set after 4x16 and the next chapter or so will be set in Honeygrove and after. Somehow in my head I need to make up for the horrors of season 4 for all of us Brooke and Lucas fans. Please read & review.  
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Lucas awoke from his sleep startled; he thought he had heard the door to his room close. He scooted up the bed a few inches and looked to his left, seeing his blonde girlfriend sleeping peacefully, snuggled into a tiny ball, facing away from him, but when he looked to his right he did not see the brunette who had been occupying that space for the past week. It had been a week since senior prom, since the attack on Brooke and Peyton. After that night, both girls had been afraid to sleep alone, so Lucas had volunteered to let them both stay with him.

Lucas cautiously rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Peyton, and went to find Brooke. As he walked into the hallway he could hear her sobbing behind the door of the bathroom. The sound killed him, it always had. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was the sound of Brooke Davis crying. His hand made its way to the doorknob, it was unlocked and so he slowly pushed the door open, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. The sight in front of him almost made him want to cry.

_There she was._

Her back was to him, her hands gripping the edges of the sink so tightly her knuckles were white. He could see her face in the mirror; the mascara that she had failed to wash off before going to bed was making delicate black patterns down her porcelain cheeks. Her hair was messy, but still managed to frame her face beautifully. She was wearing only a gray tank top and a pair of black lace panties. Under normal circumstances he would have told her that she looked gorgeous, despite the tears. _But this wasn't a normal circumstance_. She had suffered a major trauma in the past week and he wasn't supposed to be calling his ex-girlfriend gorgeous when his current girlfriend was sleeping in his bed down the hall.

"Brooke?" her name was like a whisper that floated out of his mouth as he moved closer to her. Tears were still falling down her cheeks and she was shaking slightly. His hand reached out and touched her shoulder. When she didn't acknowledge his presence in the small bathroom, he turned her to face him.

_She was a mess._

Her cheeks were stained with tears and there was something about her eyes that scared him. They weren't sparkling. Their color was a dull shade of hazel; normally he could see the hints of green and gold in her eyes, but they were clouded over with tears and not as bright as usual.

"Are you okay?" he was still whispering.

She didn't answer him, but he could tell she was hurting. She was still shaking. Lucas hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around the brunette, pressing her body against his. One hand moved to the small of her back, the other rested on the back of her head and his hand slowly began to trace through strands of her hair. Her breathing was shaky against his neck, but still warm. Her tears were getting his t-shirt wet, but none of that mattered if _this_, holding her, was going to make her stop crying. They stood there for what seemed like hours, until her crying subsided and her breathing became steady. Eventually she pulled away.

"I'm numb." Lucas was shocked at her words. Her voice held no emotion.

"What do you mean?" He whispered, after swallowing the lump in his throat.

"I mean I can't feel anything, Luke. It's like…like I'm bleeding for nothing. I'm alone. Loneliness is the only thing I can sense, but it almost doesn't even affect me. I just feel numb. I want to feel again and I don't want to be alone" she finished, staring at her pink toenails.

"You're not alone"

"Of course I am. Have you looked around lately? Nathan and Haley are expecting a baby and have no time to deal with poor, pathetic Brooke, you and Peyton have each other. Chase dumped me. The only two people who I thought cared about me are missing! Mouth and Rachel are on some mysterious road trip and I haven't even heard from them. I'm alone and I always have been," she was ranting and her breathing was becoming heavier and raspier with every word. Lucas reached out and placed his hand underneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. When her eyes met his, he could see that she was tearing up again.

"Brooke, listen to me" Lucas began, but he stopped when Brooke shut her eyes tightly and shook her head, "Pretty girl, I need you to listen to me."

Brooke tensed at his nickname for her and backed up until her lower back hit the bathroom counter. He stepped forward and placed a hand on each side of her hips, letting them rest on the counter, effectively trapping her in between the sink and his body. It was then that she noticed that he was only wearing a thin white t-shirt and a pair of blue boxers.

She shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts of him and his body before speaking again. "Don't call me that. You lost that right a long time ago" she hissed, her voice tense and threatening.

"Fine, but you need to know that you're not alone. No matter what happens, you still have me." His right hand traveled slowly, teasingly, up her left arm as he spoke, finally settling upon her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. She shivered at the contact and hoped he wouldn't notice. He didn't need to know that she was still in love with him and still wanted him. He didn't need to know that a simple touch from him could turn her on still.

"No, Lucas, I don't have you," she spat out aggressively as she shrugged his hand off of her shoulder before continuing, "don't you understand that? I don't have you. Peyton has you. If I had you… then I'd be able to feel you here with me. I can't feel you, I can't feel anyone…I can't feel anything" she finished; her words were shaky and broken, at best.

Lucas was stunned for a few minutes, motionless. The only sign that he was even still alive were his slow intakes of breath and the blinking of his eyes. He was scared. Here was Brooke Davis standing in front of him, a girl who he loved, who he still loved deep down, whom despite being so strong and independent was broken into pieces. A girl who believed she was broken beyond repair. He was determined to show this girl that she wasn't alone, that she had him, all of him, including his heart. So he did the only thing he could think of – he touched her.

His right hand settled on the side of her face, brushing away strands of her chocolate hair, while his left hand was placed on her hip precariously between the fabric of her tank top and panties. He was so close, too close, to touching her tattoo. "Luke, this is…" she began before he cut her off by placing two of his fingers atop her lips, effectively silencing her. The fingers of his left hand began to slide lower on her hip, just below the top of her panties and started to trace her tattoo.

_This is too dangerous_, she thought as she bit her lip, stifling the moan that was threatening to emerge from her lips.

Her eyes fluttered closed as he continued tracing the tattoo with his fingers. The touches were feather light, but they were sending shock waves throughout her body. Lucas smiled as he watched her eyes shut.

"Do you feel that?" Brooke nodded quickly as her chest rose and fell quickly. Lucas smirked and leaned closer to her, stopping his lips just by her ear. "I want to make you feel again. I want you to feel me here with you and I want you to feel how much I love you" he finished by planting a sloppy kiss on her neck, just below her ear.

She was this close to falling into the same old routine with him. So close. Had he not mentioned the word love, she probably would have let him continue the motions of his hands on her body. But as soon as the word 'love' came out of his mouth, she pushed him away, shoved him away from her. Lucas stumbled back for a moment before regaining his footing.

"Brooke, what –" his voice was cut off by a slapping sound and pain radiated throughout his cheek as he realized that she had actually slapped him.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare tell me you love me. You don't love me! You never have. If you loved me you wouldn't be with Peyton right now." Somewhere in her rant she recognized the fact that her voice was getting higher with each syllable; so she took a deep breath before continuing, "Peyton. Did you even think about Peyton? Are you even thinking about Peyton? She's your girlfriend. She may not be my best friend anymore but I sure as hell won't be the whore she was and sleep with her boyfriend."

Lucas sunk at her words. Everything she was saying was completely true, but he did love her. He loved Peyton too, but in a different way. He was only with Peyton because he couldn't have Brooke. He was only with Peyton because Brooke pushed him towards her.

He was about to speak again and Brooke could sense it, because she spoke up before he could even open his mouth. "I think I should sleep on the couch tonight, go back to your room, back to your girlfriend."

And just like every other time before that night, Lucas Scott let Brooke Davis walk away from him at a pivotal moment in their relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

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**Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading & reviewing the first chapter! I really appreciate it. I know a lot of you expressed that you were mad at Lucas for letting Brooke just walk away like that, so you might hate me for the ending of this chapter (even though it's a tad bit different). Don't worry though, the ending of the final chapter will make everyone happy. **

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"You know what guys, I think I'm gonna take a walk."

"You sure? You've been drinking."

"Trust me, I'm sober now" she replied with a forced smile, turning away from Skillz and Mouth and quickly walking in the opposite direction of the motel.

It had been three nights since Brooke's encounter with Lucas in his bathroom and now she was here, in Honey Grove, Texas, following a mysterious text message from Mouth and a group effort to bail him out of jail. Rachel had abandoned him, leaving him alone and stranded. The group had made the best out of the situation however, and even crashed the local senior prom.

The night had been fun for Brooke, up until now. It seemed as though everything in Brooke's life had led her up to this moment; a completely heart wrenching instant of having to walk in on her ex-best friend and ex-boyfriend, who had recently said he still loved her, laying in bed after having sex.

_Maybe it was just a cruel joke_, she thought, as she wrapped the black tuxedo jacket tighter around her body. _Maybe it didn't happen; maybe they didn't actually have sex. No, they definitely had sex_.

From her brief view into the motel room she could tell they had sex. Besides the obvious signs of clothing scattered across the room and Peyton hiding under the sheet, she could tell from Lucas's face. His face was flushed and his eyes a bit glazed over, a look only she had seen up until tonight. That look used to be reserved solely for her.

She sighed and stopped walking, a bit scared of the silence. Her heels clicking against the pavement had been the only noise in the center of the small town. Brooke's eyes searched the area around her, finally settling upon the 'Honey Grove Warriors' sign above her head. The neon lights of the sign seemed to be taunting her, bringing light to her ever increasingly dark night. She knew from then on that she would not bring back any good memories of Honey Grove back to Tree Hill with her.

She wondered briefly how he could have had sex with Peyton. He had said a few nights before that he wanted to show her how much he loved her. Her, not Peyton. She wanted so badly to believe that he wasn't using her, because deep down she knew him. What they had at the beginning of senior year was real, intense and raw. Neither of them had ever felt something like that before.

He had told her as he stroked her arm and traced her tattoo that she wasn't alone, that she still had him. Clearly, that was a lie. Here she was, a pretty girl in a sparkling dress completely alone in an unfamiliar town. Chalking it up to his 'hero complex' she continued forward, walking towards the benches in front of the high school.

That was when she saw Chris Keller. The only thoughts in Brooke's mind as she followed Chris onto his tour bus was her wishing that Lucas's 'hero complex' would cause him to propel out of that motel room and come get her now – before she did anything she would regret in the morning.

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Lucas squinted at the blinking red of the alarm clock. It read 3:19 in the morning. Peyton had fallen asleep at his side some two hours beforehand, right after their three friends had walked in on them. He, however, couldn't sleep. The image of Brooke's pained face kept floating through his mind. She didn't need to see that. He didn't want her to see that. He wasn't sure Peyton had taken the time to analyze Brooke's expression, but he had been over and over since Skillz had shut the door behind them.

The only word he had for what her face showed was betrayal. He betrayed her. It was funny thought for the moment. Here he was lying next to his girlfriend and his only thoughts were about how he had just betrayed his ex-girlfriend.

Never during his sexual encounter with Peyton did he think he was betraying her. But he was. He was comparing her to Brooke the entire time. With Brooke it was always romantic and fluid, but with Peyton it was rushed and awkward. When his hands were tracing her bony hips he couldn't help but notice that they didn't fit as well into his hands as Brooke's curvy ones did. He couldn't help but notice that Peyton liked to be kissed differently than Brooke did.

Despite his better judgment Lucas slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Peyton. He fumbled a bit while looking for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, then made his way outside.

He needed to find Brooke.

Lucas found himself sitting on a bench by Chris Keller's tour bus, after waking up Mouth and Skillz to find out where Brooke was. _What was she doing in there?_ It was if Chris Keller showed up this weekend to reawaken old emotions from within him. He hated Chris. He hated Chris for taking Haley away from Nathan in junior year and he hated Chris for sleeping with Brooke. _It's only fair_, he thought, _I betrayed her by sleeping with Peyton and her only betrayal of me is back in town. _

Suddenly he heard the tour bus door open and saw her come down the stairs, still in that blue, tacky, sparkling dress.

"Brooke" he called out.

She spun around quickly, her manicured hand covering her heart. "God damn it, Lucas. You shouldn't go scaring me like that. I did just get attacked less than two weeks ago, I'm still a little jumpy"

He mumbled a quick 'sorry' as he looked down at the ground.

"Were you out here waiting for me?" He stepped a bit closer to her, underneath the glow of a streetlight and nodded.

Before, when he had stormed out of his motel room and away from Peyton he knew exactly what he wanted to say, but somehow he couldn't find the words now.

"Did you have fun with Chris?" That sure as hell wasn't it.

He couldn't even look at her after the words left his mouth.

"Did you seriously just ask me that?" The two stood in silence for a few moments, neither sure how to continue. Brooke, however, angered by his comment about her and Chris, pressed on.

"Did you have fun with Peyton?" He couldn't miss the bitterness in her tone of voice.

"I'm sorry, Brooke. You shouldn't have had to see that. I know it upset you and I-"

"Don't. Don't pretend to know how I felt in that moment, because you have no idea."

"No idea? Are you kidding me? You must be forgetting that time I walked in on you and Chris Keller in bed."

"Last time I checked, Chris wasn't your best friend" she shot back defensively. Honestly, it was too late for this conversation. Too late in the evening and maybe even too late in their relationship.

"That doesn't mean it didn't hurt, Brooke."

The silence fell between the two again. Lucas watched as Brooke wrapped her thin arms around her body in an attempt to get warm. He wished he had brought a sweatshirt with him that he could give to her. What he really wanted, though, was to step forward, take her in his arms and warm her up himself. Somehow he didn't think she would appreciate that move.

"I'm thinking about breaking up with her. It's not fair to her, really. Me being with her while I still have feelings for you. Well, more than feelings. I love you. I shouldn't have slept with Peyton tonight. I was just leading her on. I kept comparing her to you and then I realized that she's not you. She won't ever be you." He stopped suddenly, as if he had just realized that for the first time in the past two years he had really chosen between Brooke and Peyton.

"You can't break up with her." Brooke's voice was raspy and pained. "You can't break up with her because less than nine hours ago I told her that I missed Chase. I told her that we could be friends again and I told her that she could move into the apartment with me. So you can't break up with her, because if you break up with her we can't be together. I'd rather watch you be partially happy with her than be miserable without either of us. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy Lucas. You weren't happy with me, so I let you go so you could have a chance at happiness with Peyton."

"But I don't want to be with-" his words were cut off by the opening of the tour bus door. Chris came strolling down the steps, holding a black coat in his hand. He brushed past Lucas and walked towards Brooke, holding out the jacket.

"You left this on the bus."

"Thanks, Chris." She immediately took the jacket and wrapped it around her body. "It was nice talking to you tonight, Brooke. Of course, I would have enjoyed sleeping with you again." With that he turned and walked back towards his bus, throwing a smug smile at Lucas. "Goodnight, Brooke!" He yelled before closing the door behind him.

"Look, Luke, it's late – I need to sleep off what's left of the buzz I had from this evening and you need to get back into bed with your girlfriend before she realizes that you're gone."

Even from a distance he could see the tears forming in her eyes. He needed to finish the conversation, but this was neither the time nor the place. "You're right. I need to get back."

"Goodnight, Brooke."

"Goodnight" she whispered quietly as he turned around.

This time it was Brooke Davis watching Lucas Scott walk away.


	3. Chapter 3

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**Author's Note: This is the last chapter. Sorry it took me a while to get it up, I wanted to get the scenes just right. I didn't get as many reviews as I would have liked to last chapter, so hopefully the happy ending here inspires some people to review! Thanks again for reading – I really appreciate the feedback. The ending I'm not completely excited about but I wanted to end it how I did without all of the unnecessary moments afterwards. **

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She doesn't want to talk about it. She just doesn't.

They've all asked if she wants to talk about it and she doesn't. Haley has asked if she wants to talk about it, Mouth has asked, Nathan has asked and hell, even Skills is worried about her at this point. She wishes Rachel was around, because Rachel would know what to say to her. She wouldn't be staring at her with pity laced in her eyes, like everyone else does.

Even two weeks after getting back from Honey Grove, she doesn't want to talk about it, can't bring herself to. She heard from Haley briefly that Lucas had broken up with Peyton and that Peyton was basically a wreck. She had moved back into her house the night that Lucas had broken things off with. Brooke knew the next morning when she woke up and Peyton's things were gone that the blonde had figured out that the demise of her relationship involved the brunette. That's probably why Haley wants to talk about it. It was funny to Brooke, though, that Haley wanted to talk about things now. She would have preferred talking to Haley after she and Lucas had broken up three months ago.

As much as Brooke wants to care about Peyton's emotional state, she couldn't. Now Peyton knew how she felt the first time Lucas dumped her and the second time, when she had to let him go.

She doesn't want to answer his phone calls, either. She's guessing that he started calling her the night that he broke up with Peyton. But talking to him would just make it real. She's not ready for that reality yet.

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He doesn't understand why she won't answer his phone calls. Well, actually he does understand, but he likes to pretend he doesn't. As much as he knows the truth, he doesn't like to admit it. Lucas Scott broke Brooke Davis. He caused her pain, he gave her trust issues, he made her doubt her relationship with her best friend. He's screwed up a lot when it comes to Brooke. He doesn't know how to fix it. The only thing he knows for sure is that he loves her, still loves her, always will love her.

Haley stormed into his room and finds him sitting behind his laptop, staring blankly at the screen. She mumbled a quick 'hello' and fell backwards onto his bed. He shot her a quick look and his saddened eyes were just enough to make her feel bad for him.

"Okay, as your best friend, I feel entitled to say this. I don't know what's going on with you and Peyton or with you and Brooke. All I know is that since we got back from Honey Grove the three of you have been pretty silent. I know you and Peyton broke up, but she's a mess. She keeps saying it has something to do with Brooke and then when I go to talk to Brooke she completely shuts me out. Care to share what's been going on?"

The answer seems simple, really. But in the Bermuda Triangle of Death that he, Brooke and Peyton have been sucked into for the past two years, nothing is simple anymore.

"I'm in love with Brooke. Not Peyton. I left Peyton for Brooke."

"Does Brooke know this?"

"No. She won't take my calls, Hales."

"Do you blame her? I mean, really, Luke, I love you, but when it comes to Brooke you're just so clueless sometimes. She's only ever wanted one thing from you – to fight for her. She wants you to love her enough to fight for her."

"If she wants me so badly, then why did she even break up with me in the first place?"

Haley scoffed. "You and I both know the reason she broke up with you. You can pretend you don't know all you want, but deep down you know."

Suddenly it makes sense. Brooke and Peyton's friendship dissolved once again before Brooke broke up with him. She said she couldn't do it anymore. She asked him not to talk to Peyton. It wasn't about the kiss.

"Peyton told Brooke that she loved me, didn't she?" Haley nodded and Lucas slammed his fist down onto his desk, wincing a bit at the pain.

"What do I do now?"

"Look deep into your heart. If you want Brooke, then fight for her." With that Haley was gone and Lucas was left trying to think of a way to win Brooke back.

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Brooke was somewhat shocked when a weight on the other end of the couch woke her up at two in the morning. She had fallen asleep on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, television on and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream sitting on the coffee table. She rubbed her eyes and saw Peyton at the other end, looking tired.

"Hey roomie" Brooke mumbled.

"Hey B. Davis."

Both girls were quiet for a moment, Brooke wondering whether or not she should speak. She's really not in the mood to be yelled at, even though she probably deserves it. But Peyton has been her best friend for over ten years and for Brooke at least, it's always been hoes over bros. "How are you doing, P. Sawyer?"

Peyton sighed before answering, "I've been better, how are you?"

"I've been better, too." She smiled and gave Peyton part of her blanket, watching as she kicks off her shoes and curls them underneath her small body.

Silence.

"I'm sorry I just left, Brooke. I just needed some time on my own to think, away from…"

"Me" Brooke stated simply.

"That too. You should know though, that I don't blame you for him breaking up with me. I know that he left me to be with you but for the most part it's my fault. I caused you to break up with him in the first and I knew when we got together that he wasn't fully over you. I saw what you did at the championship game, you told him it was okay to go to me. To some degree I don't think he even wanted to go to me, he just wanted to listen to you."

"Peyton, did he tell you about- "

"The night at his house? Yeah. I want to thank you though, for not doing to me what I did to you."

"You know I would never."

"Yeah. Have you talked to him?"

"He's been calling me, but I haven't answered."

"You should talk to him, Brooke. He really does love you."

"Sometimes that's just not enough, though. I want it to be, but it's not."

Peyton rolled her eyes at her friend and stood up. "Why won't you just let him in? He's done with me. It's over."

"Can't love, can't hurt, right?" Brooke whispered quietly.

"Damn it, Brooke. You're already in love with him and he's in love with you. He's already hurt you and you've already hurt him. It can only get better from here. Just give him the chance to make things right." With that Peyton walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

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The next night, when he calls her, she answers the phone. She doesn't say anything though and his only sign that she is there is the sound of her breathing. He could listen to that sound all day long.

"Meet me at the River Court?"

"Name a time and I'll be there."

"How does eleven sound?"

"Fine, but Luke…this is it."

"I know, Brooke." He does know. This is his last chance with her. Something in her voice let him know that she was willing to do this one last time, but that's it. "I'll see you later." Brooke doesn't see Peyton smiling from the hallway when she hangs up the phone.

Less than an hour later Brooke finds herself parking her Volkswagen on the street closest to the River Court and walking over. She looks down and silently curses herself for putting so much effort into her appearance. Lucas always told her that she looked best in nothing at all. She manages to laugh about that now, how sexual it was on the surface.

Deep down she knew that he meant she was beautiful all of the time, when she was dressed up, or down, or even naked, both literally and emotionally. He seems to like her vulnerable. As if her vulnerable is the only way he sees her. Maybe he feels like that's the real her – Brooke Davis, girl who asked Lucas Scott a long time ago to save her.

As she walked up the River Court she was almost blinded by light – there are literally hundreds of small red and white candles outlining the edge of the pavement. Lucas was standing in the middle, watching her make her way towards him.

She stopped about a foot away from him, looking around and finally saw the backboard of the basketball hoop. Just like he had done at the beginning of senior year to the mirror in her locker, the words "Lucas + Brooke Forever" are emblazoned in pink. She smiled at the memory of her pimped out locker. She snapped back to reality though, when she heard Lucas shuffling his feet.

"Do you like it?" The way he asked threw her back to junior year when he used to try and gage what she liked and didn't like. He was hesitant back then, trying to figure out how to please a girl he felt was way out of his league. The truth was, almost everything he did made her smile.

"I love it, Luke, but it's a little much."

"Anything for you." Again, it's a throwback to a time when they were happier. Sure, they hadn't been together the first time he had said it, but mutual feelings were held between the two, in a time where things seemed much simpler.

"Brooke, I know that this is my last chance to get you back, so I need to say some things without being interrupted. If after that you want to walk away then fine."

She nodded to tell him that she wouldn't interrupt.

"I told you once months ago when I brought you here that you were going to be the biggest part of my world. I wasn't lying, Brooke. It's still true – you are the biggest part of my world because I love you. I've only ever been in love with you, you're my first love, first lover and nothing's going to take that away – not Peyton, not any other girl. I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis and I always will be."

Now, he is waiting for her reaction. Her head wants nothing more than to put up a fight, tell him that they would never work again, they had failed together twice before. Her head wants to scream that he had hurt her so many times, broken her, destroyed her faith in love.

Her heart however, wants nothing more than to just give up the fight. She can't keep denying herself, denying him. Her heart wants nothing more than to give in and kiss him, make love to him right there on the court.

Her heart wins.

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End.


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